remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
