This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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