He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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