Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't believe i had my finger in that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
