today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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