I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
