Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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