i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
