A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
