last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
