If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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