I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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