i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
