I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
