Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
