Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
