We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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