You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
