i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I die, sorry about rent.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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