U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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