Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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