nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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