my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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