Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
