She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
