he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
