Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
