His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
