My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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