Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
