He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
