Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
