I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
