Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
