Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
