I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
