It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
