Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
