White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
