it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
