Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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