Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
