hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
