It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
