I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
