I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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