I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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