Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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