Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
