Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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